Day 13 – List of anxious thoughts and worries I had between 8.30am and 10am

The people I normally agree with politically are posting a lot of things I disagree with. Does that mean they’ll think I’m stupid and not respect me anymore?

 

I’ve double booked myself on Monday like an idiot. Now I have to chose what to do.

 

Kiko doesn’t love me.

 

I don’t know what to wear.

 

I don’t like my face.

 

I’ve double booked on Monday, I’m such an idiot.

 

Are all the windows in the flat closed? What if Kiko gets out and I lose her?

 

Do I have my keys? What if I don’t have my keys and I’ve just locked myself out and Kiko starves and dies?

 

Did I close the door properly? What if Kiko gets out and I lose her/

 

I’m going to be late now. Why did I go back and check? It’s made me late.

 

Is this task stupid and self indulgent? Am I just attention seeking?

 

Is *insert name here* right about me?

 

I’m going to die alone.

 

What if I’m never satisfied?

 

I need to get away to get out of my head.

 

I don’t have a weekend off to go away for so long.

 

I can’t afford to go away.

 

We made a mistake getting this flat it’s too expensive.

 

I have no money and I’m drowning.

 

I have no work in July and August.

 

It’s my fault I have no work.

 

I don’t put enough effort into looking for freelance work.

 

I’m not good enough for anyone to want to give me freelance work.

 

Once people have worked with me they won’t want to work with me again.

 

I’m not likeable, talented or reliable.

 

*insert name here* is right about me.

 

I have to type up the stuff fomr last night in my lunch break.

 

I miss *insert name here*

 

Why doesn’t *insert name here* trust me enough to tell my what’s happening in their head?

 

Why did *insert name here* think not talking to me was going to protect me and make me less anxious?

 

Because they see through me.

 

Because I’m a bad Christian.

 

I’m going to be late.

 

What if it never get any better and I die alone and unhappy and unfulfilled?

 

I’m a bad feminist.

 

I’m self-absorbed.

 

I’m not going to get Angels in America tickets.

 

I haven’t messaged *insert name here* yet.

 

Would they actually want to see me or were they just being polite?

 

Why do *insert group of friends here* never come to visit me?

 

Why am I even doing this writing thing? I’m not going to make anything good or worth reading.

 

I’m lazy.

 

There are a lot of people right now.

 

Am I inaproppriate with the kids?

 

Do they even like me?

 

Do *insert name here* and *insert name here* even like me?

 

Am I bad at my job?

 

Can I afford to go to Edinburgh?

 

Do the people in *insert cafe here* hate me because I cut though their tables?

 

I look exhauster and my hair is a mess.

 

I should have made more of an effort to put myself together.

 

I don’t like my face.

 

I left my laptop charger here over night like an idiot.

 

What if I’d lost it?

 

Is there space for me?

 

Do I fit in?

 

What if I don’t fit in anywehere?

 

Do I gossip? Do I do it too much?

 

Am I sinful?

 

Do people think my blogs/writing is crap and embarassing?

 

Am I making a fool of myself?

 

Will I regret this whole process?
Are these people going to try and get in the lift with me?

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