Day 14 – Beneath the Surface

It’s not a feeling of sinking

Sinking is pleasant

Akin to floating, a sense of freedom

Relaxing almost

 

This is different to that.

It’s something dragging you under.

Viciously pulling you down.

But it isn’t like that either.

 

It does feel like drowning,

But drowning before you know you’re drowning

When you’re still trying to save yourself

Coughing and spluttering as you constantly break the surface

Gasping for breath

Never quite filling your lungs enough

Not ready to give up.

 

There’s a relief in giving up

In the moment the waves take over

In slipping down

Down

Down

Because it means that the pain has to stop

The constant striving has to stop

That pain in your chest has to stop

 

I see the appeal of sinking

Of just letting go

But that self-preservation thing always kicks in

I always try to swim again.

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