It’s not a feeling of sinking
Sinking is pleasant
Akin to floating, a sense of freedom
This is different to that.
It’s something dragging you under.
Viciously pulling you down.
But it isn’t like that either.
It does feel like drowning,
But drowning before you know you’re drowning
When you’re still trying to save yourself
Coughing and spluttering as you constantly break the surface
Gasping for breath
Never quite filling your lungs enough
Not ready to give up.
There’s a relief in giving up
In the moment the waves take over
In slipping down
Because it means that the pain has to stop
The constant striving has to stop
That pain in your chest has to stop
I see the appeal of sinking
Of just letting go
But that self-preservation thing always kicks in
I always try to swim again.