Day 17 – Bitch Goddess Warrior Queen (part 1)

Naomi:             I had always known Baba Yaga was there. She was the centre of every scary story our parents told us as children.  We heard about her chicken legged hut surrounded by a fence made of bones. They told us she had goat’s feet and a rooster’s beak and creepy-crawlies in her wild hair.  There were a hundred stories about the cast iron oven she used to roast nosey children. About the nights spent riding on her giant broom finding princes to eat for breakfast. She was the most wicked of witches. She had a thousand eyes and watched us as we slept. She terrified and fascinated me. Every detail made me want to see her more.


I grew older. My parents stopped telling me stories. But my mind still exploded with the secrets of the cast iron oven and the goat’s feet. I would picture her face, waxy lipstick smeared and hair a rosebush tangle. I dreamed of breaking through her hedge of thorns to find what lay at the top of her chicken legged hut.


Scene 1

Emmy’s bedroom. Both girls on the bed. Discarded magazines and half-drunk bottles of cheap wine surround them.


Emmy:             Tell me a story.

Naomi:             I heard Darrly and Jess broke up, because it turns out he was fu-

Emmy:             Ugh, no. A proper story. Like when we were little. I want you to make it up.

Naomi:             Fuck off, what are we? 6?

Emmy:             Tell me a story, and I’ll give you a treat.

Pause. They hold each other’s gaze.

Naomi:             Fine. Once upon a time there was a princess. She wore big pink poufy dresses, and sparkly crowns. She lived in a beautiful castle, and had her pick of all the princes in the land.

As she tells the story Emmy starts run a hand up Naomi’s leg.

One night a wicked witch was flying by on her broom, and came across castle. She looked down at the lines of princes desperate for the princess’s hand, for the future of the kingdom. And a plan popped into her witchy head. What wonderful things could she teach this princess? She dove down on her broom and soared straight into the princess’s bedroom, where she was ly- where she was l-  where she was lying asleep. The witch put down her broom, and stalked towards the princess’ bed/

Emmy’s Mum:  (off) Emmy! Your dad’s going to pick up tea on his way home. Do you girls need anything from the shop?


Naomi and Emmy spring apart as Emmy’s Mum starts to climb the stairs.


Emmy:             No! We’re fine! You don’t need to come up here. (to Naomi) Let’s go out.

Naomi:             What? But we were… I thought…

Emmy:             I’m bored.

Naomi:             Fine. Whatever then.

Emmy:             Don’t be a pissy bitch about it. There’s a bottle of JD somewhere we can nick –

Naomi:             I am not a pissy –

Emmy:             – hang out in the park or something. You are. And if you don’t stop I won’t share. Come on.


Scene 2

Children’s play park. Woodland in the background. Naomi sits on the seat of the roundabout swigging from the bottle of Jack Daniels (which is ¾ empty by this point). Emmy lies on the floor beside it. 

Emmy:             Fuck off, she did NOT.

Naomi:             I swear! Why would I make that shit up?

Emmy:             Oh my god, that’s fucking gross.

Naomi:             I know right.

Emmy:             So grim. Ugh. Pass.

Naomi:             Ummm… No.

Emmy:             No?

Naomi:             No. Get off your ass and get it yourself.

Emmy:             But I’m comfy.

Naomi:             Great, more for me then.

Emmy:             No faiiiiiir. You’re hogging it! It’s my bottle!

Naomi:             It’s your dad’s bottle. That I nicked.

Emmy:             Because I told you to. It’s more mine than yours.

Naomi:             If you want it, come and take it from me.

Emmy:             Maybe. I. Will.


Emmy picks herself up off the floor, not massively gracefully. Naomi snorts. Emmy walks up to her, holding her eyes, takes the bottle of Jack Daniels from her hand and takes a long swig.

Emmy:             I can’t believe you just said no to me. I think you need to be punished for that.

Naomi:             Punished? Come the fuck on. What are you gonna do?

Emmy:             I don’t know. I could do so many things. So many options. Probably I’ll just… do… this!


She jumps off the roundabout and starts to spin it round, fast, laughing.


Naomi:             Oh my god you bitch! Stop it! Fucking stop! I’m going to throw up! Do you want me to throw up on you?! Fucking Christ. Emmy!


Naomi screams, as Emmy keeps laughing at her. Emmy jumps onto the roundabout, stands between Naomi’s legs and kisses her, hard. They make out as the roundabout continues to spin. Emmy slides her hand up Naomi’s top. When the roundabout starts to slow down, Emmy removes her hand, pulls away, and lightly jumps off, returning to her position on the ground, Jack Daniels in hand.


Emmy:             I hope you’ve learned your lesson. Don’t say no to me.

Naomi:             goes to join her on the ground.

Emmy:             Good girl. Pause. Naomi leans in to kiss her, but she turns her head away. You see the forest over there?

Naomi:             It’s not a forest, it’s just a few scrubby trees.

Emmy:             It’s not. It’s a forest. That’s where Baba Yaga lives.

Naomi:             And?

Emmy:             I dare you.




Naomi:             When I come back, you’re buying vodka.

Emmy:             If you come back.


Emmy drains the bottle of Jack, and presses her mouth against Naomi’s. Naomi pulls away, stands up, and walks towards the woods without looking back.

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