Day 23 – open letter to an old friend

Hi,

 

The bulldogs all came down for old boys at the weekend, and it’s sent me on a bit of a trip down memory lane.

 

I want you to know that I miss you, and I’m really sorry we aren’t in each others lives anymore. Having your heart broken and losing a boy sucks, but losing a friend hurts just as much – more sometimes. We may not have had a big row but something went wrong somewhere and I wish I could rectify it. I care what you think of me. Mainly because I think you always knew me well enough to see my flaws and bad decisions even when I didn’t want to admit them to myself. I’m good at constructing a narrative around myself, and you saw through that. Or at least I feel like you did.

 

I miss having you in my life much more than anyone else I’ve lost. I miss your wit and your wisdom. I miss talking to you about Doctor Who (I haven’t watched any of the new series because fuck Moffat), and politics, and Cumberbatch. I want to know if you’ve seen My Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (if you haven’t then you really should) and hear your thoughts on Trump.

 

I’m not expecting to hear from you, I just wanted you to know. Which is maybe a little self indulgent of me, but I seem to be doing quite a lot of the self indulgent thing lately. Sitting on the boundary between self-indulgent and scared.

 

I hope you’re happy and I’m sure you’re doing great things. I hope your heart isn’t split between here and America, that you feel settled in the place you are.

 

I don’t know how to sign off now. Everything other than love seems too formal, but love doesn’t quite seem right.

 

Thanks (is I think what I’m going with?)
Hattie

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s