My treatment journey

As we start amping up towards Apricty's new show, Open Mic., I can't help reflecting on the journey I've been on with my mental health over the past 4 years or so. Part of that journey is internal, sure, and to a certain extent controlled by me and my thoughts. But part of it - the treatment part…

Hindsight

If I had known That loving him would break your heart I never would have done it.   But by the time I realised It was too late.

Sundays

Sundays are hard at the moment. I’m in a position where I have to see a person most Sundays who is (through no real fault of their own) a human embodiment of my anxiety, a tangible physical reminder of all of the things I don’t like about myself, causing them to come screaming into my…

I am…

I am Cis-female Demi-hetero Binary Ginger Short(ish) Petite Short-haired Blue-eyed Small boobed White British European Single Introvert Christian Daughter Sister Friend Granddaughter Cousin Cat-mom Book worm Writer Dramaturg Theatre practitioner Liberal Ally Logical Irrational So. Fucking. Flawed Loved Sufferer of anxiety Organised Easily obsessed Control freak Amature baker Piano twiddler Singer Animal lover Musical theatre…

Here We Are Again

Just over a month ago I woke up in a flat in London in the middle of the night, and had one of the worst anxiety attacks I’ve ever had. It came out of nowhere, after a good day with a good person, a good month with exciting opportunities. It kept me up for about…

Day 100 – The End

I’m not sure what to say. I feel like I should have something big and impressive planned to mark the end of these 100 days, but I don’t. I tried a few times to think of something, but nothing ever really came to me. So let’s take stock I guess. Put a marker down.  …

Day 99 – Sofa Cushions #5

I don’t know how to do this. What? This. A conversation? Yes. So far you seem to be managing it. No, I mean. A normal conversation. Normal? Yes. What do you mean? Like - what am I allowed to say? What’s too far, too much information? For a new person. Uh… I don’t want you…

Day 98 – Vic and Florrie

Vic This is Florrie.   Florrie And this is Vic. My big sister.   Vic My best friend. I didn’t think we’d be here yet. I thought we’d be older.   Florrie Really? I always knew I’d be young. I wanted to be. I told you all the time.   Vic I thought it was something you’d…

Day 97 – Second Thoughts

She spread her arms wide, looked over the edge. A breeze pushed her back, cleared the mist from her mind.   She found the rope, something high and sturdy. As she struggled with the knot, the ones in her head came undone too.   She went under the sink, unscrewed the lid. The drip of…

Day 96 – Before and After

People talk about your life separating into before and after. The moment it happens, this big void splitting across the road of your life.   Because you can’t go back. Can’t ever go back to what it was like before To who you were before.   It isn’t like that though There isn’t just a…